when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
