hell yes lets make some ravioli
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
