Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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