Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
