so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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