it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
