Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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