so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
