She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
