My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
