I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize