just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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