You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
zippers are such a cool invention
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Randomize
