i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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