she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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