i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
