Umm I'm too high to move.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
