I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Four minutes until I can fart!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
