You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I touched a dick in church today
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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