I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
