You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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