Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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