im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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