Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize