my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
