I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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