Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
