He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You may now shotgun with the bride
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
