Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
