Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
