At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Less talking, more tequila
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
