Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
