Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
