I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
