there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
