We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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