i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
