Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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