All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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