Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
