i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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