Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I've blown a few things in my day
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize