I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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