It's Friday. Sex?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
