she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
