I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
