so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
