In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
