I only kidnapped one of them. chill
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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