my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
