if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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