I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
