last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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