i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
