Your mouth is God's brothel.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
