if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
