I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
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