doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
