woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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