His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
