His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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