ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
