I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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