uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
There's always time for handjobs
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
