Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
