Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
