I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Mom said you looked used
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
