he wants to bone in the snuggie
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
