Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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