I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize