You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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