I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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