I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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