It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
