Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Farmville is her only friend.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
