Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I love you. Go after that dick
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
