Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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