the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
