Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
