he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
