john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
