areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just invented taco cereal.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
