Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
