he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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