every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
