can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
