I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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