Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
this boner is exhausting
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
