the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
