so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
where am i from again
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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