I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize