And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
