Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
