This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
