My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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