I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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