I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
